Wanting more

So this is a blog of just Heather's personal thoughts. Feel free to skip if wanted. A few months ago I found myself in a state of total unenjoyment. I wasn't as excited over life, I wasn't challenged and I was slipping into a drifting spiritual pattern. It was unlike my happy side and I was wondering what to do about it. I knew I didn't like who I was becoming and I wanted to show my children that a mom was something worth being. So what to do? With a therapist as a husband one might think it's easy to get my own therapy and help myself, but it simply doesn't work like that.

So I began my own quest. I could find the perfect moment in my life (the one where everything is perfect...weight, friendships, testimony etc..) but how to get back to that feeling. then I found myself picking up one of Andy's therapy books. He always has some laying around. And that did it. I remembered who I am. Who I could be, what my capabilities were. and most of all, I realised...it's okay to be who I am. So I have a little extra on the thighs. Who cares. I can move, jump, leap and hug and wrestle with my children. So I don't have grand conversations with the Dahlia Lama. Who cares. I have the world handed to me everyday in the most simplistic verses from my children who love to live. So I don't have all the money to go on every trip. Who cares. I can get in my car and drive minutes away to our makeshift beach and swim in the river with all the friends in the world I could possibly imagine. So I don't get invited to everything that happens with my friends. Who cares. After all, lets face it, I create half the things we do and they are things I want to do and deep down I know people love me, we just all need to branch out every so often. So I don't get a million comments on my blog (this is for Andy). Who cares. There are so many people who read them and think, look at that great family. I don't need it to be written because I know they think that and that they would write that if they had the time. We can't base our self esteem on it. But lets face it. they're busy. I'm busy, we're all busy with our own lives. So my family isn't around me. Who cares. No really, lets face it. I do care a great deal about that and am working ever so hard to make sure we are around family. You can't survive in a world without family who loves unconditionally. And mine does. My sister is my best friend and my crazy loveable parents would do anything they could to make life happier and more fun. Afterall, who else would letterbox with me in snow and rain to find a lemony snicket?

I read somewhere a quote about how the world is like a box of crayons. We are all different colors, some pointed, some dull, some with scuffed up papers, some with funny names, but we all work together to make a complete picture. That's it. That's the secret

You can enjoy just for the sake of it. It is up to you. Now this book changed my life. Did it make it perfect? No. But I'm learning and accepting and going out everyday loving that I live, that I breathe, that I can love myself. That I just don't care about every little imperfection. Does this give me the excuse to do nothing to better myself? No. But it gives me the right to look someone in the eye who wants to degrade me, call me a jerk, hate me, thinks my body isn't perfect and say to them "I don't need it. I am okay. In fact, more than okay. I'm perfect for being here. For fighting. For being a powerful woman and for doing what needs to be done. whatever that is at the time of my life." I challenge you to enjoy life as well.